


In the Haze

by rescueme



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, Mpreg, Trans Male Character, levi has a secret, maybe later Eren/Levi, not sure yet - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-25
Updated: 2018-11-14
Packaged: 2019-08-07 12:54:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16408901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rescueme/pseuds/rescueme
Summary: Levi was raised in the underground by the mysterious mobster Kenny, who recognized the young boy's gender identity from first sight and taught him how to hide and blend in. Only the Commander, Levi's most trusted companion, knows the truth. For years they have been confiding in one another, leading to a relationship of quick fucks and smothered feelings. But soon, all those feelings will have to rise to the surface when Levi must face a daunting realization about his own body.





	1. Chapter 1

In the dilapidated castle ruins within Wall Rose, Captain Levi demands his comrades get to work with sweeping and cleaning the rumble, dust, and moss from the crumbling rocks and wood. Long after he has dismissed them for their work he escorts that scrawny maniac Eren Jaeger down to the castle basement, watching with an expressionless, set jaw as the young man situates himself on the frumpy mattress pad lit by a flickering torch, gazing up at his Captain with questions in his eyes that light a fire of frustration within Levi's chest. Doesn't this kid know that he doesn't have any answers either? Fuck, he'd rather let the cadet sleep in a regular bed like a goddamn human. God knows it would only take on minor grunt from the brat to awake Levi- if he had even managed to fall into any kind of sleep, that is- and cut him from his ballooning Titan nape. 

"Goodnight, sir," The young soldier states, lowering his chin to his chest in a pathetic display of resignation that makes Levi's skin itch. He blinks in acknowledgement, readying the keys for the door to lock the Titan-shifter in place. 

"These are orders and we must follow them," The Captain remarks flatly, swinging the door shut with a clang, the metal rattling in his bones as it slams together. At the motion, Levi feels a sudden, uneasy quake within him and pauses, back arching over, a flood of nausea threatening to swarm up his elongated throat. In response to the icy bleach of the captain's skin Eren scrambles forward onto his knees, wide green eyes swelling in alarm. 

"Captain?" 

Levi swallows, blinking his grey eyes and flitting his gaze away, forcing the paling, clammy sensation to pass, ignoring the thumping in his chest. "Get some rest, Jaeger. Hange will have her hands all over you in the morning. Good luck with that." 

Levi marches away, keeping his hands in tight fists at his sides, not stopping until he reaches the top step of the basement, where he wipes a thin hand across his wide brow, eyes widening at the sheen of cold sweat that glimmers across his knuckles. 

In his own room, the captain grimaces at the heavy blanket of stench in the air- like something is rotting; putrid and heavy in the humid, dank, old air. The small man ties a handkerchief across his small face and sharp chin, raising the cloth over his nose to block out the reek and getting to work wiping down the stoney walls once more, scrubbing away the moss, mold, and dust residing in each crack or crevice. 

"Surely it is spotless by now." 

The deep, authoritative voice of the Commander booms in the small room, the heavy, oak door swinging shut behind the large, bulky, blonde as he steps inside the captain's room, and Levi does not flinch, barely reacts. 

"It's the fucking smell," He retorts flatly, voice monotone as he pushes open the window frames, letting in a blast of stale air through the milky, moonlit frame. "Everything within these walls smells like stale bread and rotting meat." 

"Tomorrow the air will be cleaner," Erwin replies, his voice lowered as he gazes out at the swollen, cream-white moon behind the smaller man. "One day, all of humanity will smell that fresh breeze and bask in free sunlight- uncaged." 

"Your optimism never fails, does it?" Levi mutters, pulling down his cloth handkerchief. 

"Not optimism," The commander replies behind him, voice stiff. "Resolve." 

Levi turns, looking up at the other man in the moonlight, the pale glow ethereal on the man's rosy cheeks and chin, glinting in his full, round blue eyes. He lowers his eyes to Levi's in response, his white button-down revealing a sliver of tight, muscular chest, a thick hand rising to rest tenderly on the sharp contour of Levi's porcelain cheek. In his eyes, Levi saw the yearning and lust simmering beneath the shining irises, a storm raging at the condensation-buildup of the 57th Expedition looming before them. 

When the taller man bent down, pressing his thick, pink, full lips to Levi's cool neck, pressing kisses just deep enough to pickle the captain's skin but never too deep, never deep enough to burst vessels and sucker bruises, Levi imagined a world where they had their own cottage outside the walls, where large trees surrounded them with the minty freshness of pine, where hawks screeched below a cloud-spotted sky, where sun baked his pasty skin warm, where he could drink tea in his shop with legs crossed and palm open over the steam. He imagined a world where Erwin would wrap his arms around him in the daylight, on a well-worn path, smile like there was no death, and enter him slowly. 

But now was not the time for such dreams. 

Now, Levi clenched his fist around the commander's wide wrist, drawing him closer, pressing their cheeks together as he used his other hand to undo their belts, both men beginning to pant together, breath hot on their cheeks. He pressed his thin lips to Erwin's, clashing teeth, biting, drawing blood with the haste of it, the rush, the pressing, pulsing need. Erwin grabbed him then, lifted him up onto the table agains the wall, slamming cheap wood against stone, and Levi gripped his arms around the commander's muscular, strong back, feeling the roll of his spine against fibers and skin, feeling the hard swell of his cock between Levi's sinewy thighs. When Erwin pushed inside Levi gasped, biting down on his lip, closing his eyes, feeling only Erwin's hands on him, the weight of his fingertips, the hot rush of his breath, the dampness that swelled and pushed them together, slick and in sync.

It was only when he opened his eyes, running his fingers through Erwin's long blonde locks, feeling the wispy of the short buzz cut along the curving arch of his neck did he feel the world swirl once more, the dizziness pitching him over, the sudden charge of bile up his throat. He felt his skin grow clammy and cold, sweat trickle down his temple, mouth gritted at the restraint, and when Erwin came, shuddering, arching forwards, Levi could barely breathe in response, pushing the taller man away and off of him, turning away from his most trusted companion to buckle his belt once more, breathless, the world spinning and blackening around the edges. 

"Levi-" 

"Just go," The captain manages, his voice tight with the effort, throat constricting and swallowing back the rush of fluid accumulating in his throat. "You need your rest." 

"So do you," Erwin tries again, voice deep, reaching out for Levi, placing a warm hand on his shoulder, but the touch makes Levi feel smothered and blanketed and hot and he jerks away, narrowed eyes clamping shut. 

"We both know I'll be up for hours," He grits out. "I'll be fucking fine. Get your sleep, the regiment needs you." 

Erwin lets out a breath, and Levi can feel the storm of conflicted feelings raging within him as he lets out a sigh, turning and closing the door behind him. It is only then that the small captain can let out a breath of air, hand rising to cover his mouth, collapsing onto the chair by the desk and lowering his clammy head into his shaking, shivering palms. 

What is wrong with him? What is wrong with him? 

_Get it together. Get it fucking together. What the fuck is this shit? What the fuck is going on with you?_ Levi curses himself, panting and shaking until his limbs ache and quake with exhaustion, pleading for at least a few hours of placid sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided for Hange to be another character who knows the truth about Levi's identity in order to create more characters for him to interact with

"What's going on with you?" Hange Zoe asks, rapid-fire voice pitched with eager desire, brown eyes widening and swelling as she leans in towards the captain at the large oak table in the castle's deserted dining hall. Beside her, Levi stoicly sips his black tea, now donning his white undergarment blouse after sending the cadets off for the night and locking Eren Jaeger in the basement once more. 

"You're snapping at your own squad, paler and sweatier than usual," Hange continues, leaning forward with ripe anticipation. "Tell me- what do you know abut this next mission that I don't?!" 

"Nothing, Hange, shut up," Levi snaps in response, not looking up, his dull grey eyes burning with a fading fatigue as he blinks, brow furrowing as he feels the familiar ache of nausea grating through him. 

"If you don't want to talk to me, that's fine, I won't shed a tear," Hange replies brightly, voice bubbly with an irritating positivity that makes Levi want to wince. "But you need to talk to somebody before you fall off a cliff with no one to catch you." 

"I'm not falling anywhere," Levi states flatly, in a near groan. 

"I heard you retching, Captain," Hange interjects. "If you're sick, you need to trust in your own squad. They can't trust you if you don't trust them." 

"I'm not sick," Levi counters sharply, his heart plummeting through his chest as the words meet the air, knowing them to be true. As the days of training have passed and he's gotten worse and not better and nothing is helping and sleep won't come, he has avoided the Commander at every turn, knowing Erwin would see through his grim facade. 

"Then what's wrong with you?!" The other squad leader pushes. "Is it Eren?! Is it the experiments?! Are they rubbing off on you? Please, describe for me your symptoms!" 

Levi rubs his brow with his thumb, then raises his cup of tea with the other hand. "You're driving me fucking crazy," He growls. 

"Then you'll have no problem flipping through the air in a few days time, slicing through rubbery, hot Titan meat, drowning in their wet, steamy, runny blood-" 

Levi blanches, his tea cup clattering and slamming down as his hand reaches to cup over his mouth and nose, dropping with his elbows onto his knees and panting through his nose, color having drained from his clammy, cold, porcelain face. Hange leans forward, maple eyes wide and engorged behind her wrap-around goggles, staring into the captain's features with an intense focus. 

"Fuck," Levi murmurs finally, into the palpable, crackling silence. His head is bowed, dark black hair falling over his white cheeks and brow, his voice low and grating. He exhales heavily, the air passing through his muscled, sculpted chest. The words he builds up within him meet the air heavily and softly. "I'm pregnant, Hange." 

Hange Zoe's body jerks and freezes, her brown eyes widening with shock, her lips parting with a stunned gasp. 

"It's not like there was any shit I could have done to avoid this," Levi continues, filling the silence with his monotone voice. "Luck of the draw, I guess. Fuck me, am I right?" 

Levi sighs, lowering his chin to his chest, and beside him, Hange shifts in her seat, blinking, deep in thought.

"There are ways to end it, you know," She pipes up, her shock falling away to a hyper medical fascination. "Medication you can take." 

"Tsk," Levi mutters, reaching for his teacup again. "As if I could afford them on a captain's salary. That shit is deep black market." 

"What about the commander?" 

Levi jerks at the question, his body flinching physically, his narrow eyes widening, unblinking, staring into a void of space before him. "I can't ask him for that." 

"Why not?" Hange asks, leaning forward, her eyes unblinking- sincere and earnest. Levi's face remains unchanged- statuesque. Hange breathes, a quick, sharp inhale of realization. "Because he might actually give them to you." 

"Fucking hilarious, isn't it?" Levi snorts, his voice low and quiet. "I've spent years fighting and cutting through Titans like carrion for a chance to live free beyond the Walls. And now that we're this close to finding a way to reclaim Wall Maria I have no idea what to do. My own humanity was shot to shit long ago. I don't know what the answer is here, I don't know what the right choice is, and I never have. I have to trust my own instincts and they have nothing for me." 

"Do you give away an addition to greater humanity for the sake of the present need?" Hange asks, voice rapid and high. "Or do you sideline yourself in order to give the future some hope?" 

"Hope," Levi snorts, shaking his head. "We're all fucked. Humanity has been knocking on Death's door for decades. I could be throwing my kid into the heap of carnage for all I know."

"The child of Erwin Smith and Captain Levi is no regular kid," Hange points out, leaning back into her chair now, casual and relaxed. "Hell, they could be the one we've all been waiting for. To finally destroy the Titans once and for all." 

Levi exhales heavily, reaching back for his teacup, sipping quietly. The air around them beats, swollen with the heaviness of the exchange. 

"His whole life, the Commander has only ever wanted one thing," Levi states flatly after a moment. "To learn the secret about humanity's past; the truth about the world." 

"And what do you want?" Hange asks, eyes swelling again with anticipation. 

"For every human to be free of these goddamn walls and breathe some clean fucking air." 

"You're allowed to want your own things, you know," Hange remarks. 

"Tsk," Levi mutters, shaking his head. 

"Your mother pursued what she wanted," Hange continues. "Even though she was living in the Underground, and had no future to speak of, she decided to give you one, and without that decision you would not be here and over half of humanity would be Titan chowder- the Survey Core would be dust on the battlefields." 

"My mother did what she could," Levi replies sharply, looking up finally to meet his comrade's gaze. "She had no idea who I might be." 

"And neither do you," The woman responds.


End file.
